Ep. 59 | What We're Willing To Sacrifice To Temporarily Numb Judgmental Voices And How To Break Free From Them

In this episode, I talk about how our society has normalized turning to things that don't make us feel good in order for a brief reprieve from the judgmental inner thoughts and voices that are holding us back and weighing us down. It has been so normalized that most people don't even realize the price they're willing to pay for those moments when they feel free. When you start to become aware of those thoughts and inner critics and call them out, you start to feel free in life and those things like alcohol and unhealthy food become so much less appealing.

The first part of the episode includes a chat about a recent trip to Richmond and Williamsburg, Virginia, geocaching, exploring, epic wedding ideas, and the struggles of natural deodorant. 😉

Favorite dance party song: Edamame by Bbno$

Start creating change and ditching the negative thoughts and voices with my favorite 1 minute anti-anxiety tool and secret weapon: https://www.lifeboost.today/mysecretweapon

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Disclaimer: The information provided in this podcast is for educational and informational purposes only and is not intended as medical, mental health, or professional advice. I am a certified health and life coach, not a licensed medical or mental health professional. Please consult with a healthcare provider before making any changes to your physical or mental health routines. If you are experiencing a crisis, seek help from a qualified professional or contact emergency services.

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Transcript

0:57

Hey, life Booster. This is Dr. Amelia health and life coach and recovered burnt out veterinarian. Here to help you ditch the Yo-Yo dieting, people pleasing and perfectionism by breaking the norm and living a life that energizes you from within. I hope that your week is going well. I'm recording this on a Monday and we just returned from a trip to Virginia, which was so nice. Matt and I love to travel and we really haven't been traveling much lately, or really this year because life has just been busy. There have been a lot of things that are changing, and so I love adventure. That's one of my core values. And so it's always fun exploring new places. We went to Williamsburg, Virginia for a wedding, which was beautiful. It was one of the sweetest, most enter entertaining ceremonies. I loved it. And the reception was so fun. And, um, Williamsburg in general is just adorable. It's just like a historic colonial town. Matt was a groomsman, so we got there a few days before the wedding, which meant that I had some free time just to explore. And so, that was fun. And before we got to Williamsburg, we stopped in Richmond because I have a cousin who lives there and, um, another cousin was visiting and so I was able to just spend the day with'em, which was so fun. Richmond is a really cool city. It's like the perfect size. It's attractive. There are so many different, like walking trails and everything. It seems like a city that's really, um, easy or it's easy to be active and to still like be being in nature despite being in the city. One of my cousins is into geocaching, which was totally new to me. But it, um, and if you're not familiar, it's basically like there's some kind of app or something where all throughout, I don't know if it's the world or at least the country, people have hidden these like tiny little little things to find and it kind of gives you the coordinates and then you kind of like search within that area to find these little hidden things. So it was a really neat way of exploring the city in a different way or like looking for things that no one else would notice, which is kind of cool. Um, also highlights of the Richmond journey. We saw cute little baby turtles. We saw little baby geese. I rescued a fish that was out of water, the poor little thing, just put him right back in his river. Um, had a green juice cuz it was hot. We were walking around and wooo, it was like a shock to the system. So we stopped at a place that had fresh juices and nourished my body with kale, greens, lemon, and celery. It was supposed to have ginger and they were out of ginger. That was a pretty big disappointment, but my body was just like, yes, this feels so nourishing and good after just totally sweating. Also, I have transitioned over to a lot of natural products because just like I like having consuming food that has real ingredients, I also am conscientious about what I put onto my body, um, detergents, that type of thing. So throughout the years, I've like slowly been making switches to more cleaner products, and one that is a little bit challenging is deodorant. I don't know if you have experimented with finding natural deodorants, but, um, I used to really, really love the deodorant that I used. It worked really well. It smelled delightful, but when I was having a test, I did a heavy metals test and I, tested high for aluminum. And that was one of the times when I was like, ah, I really need to start making the switch. And it's not necessarily like an elegant transition from the more traditional deodorants to the natural ones. Um, I don't like to smell, but um, you know, there, there's a transition point. So anyways, I still feel like, like the de natural deodorants that I've found that work pretty well, they tend to stain my clothes, which is not cool. That turns into a very expensive deodorant. Um, and the ones that don't, don't necessarily, you know, cover up the whole smell. Or do a great job or they, they don't last for very long. And so I had, I just got a new natural deodorant and then just like totally was like so sweaty walking around Richmond. So it did okay. My cousins were kind enough to not be like, wow, Amelia, you smell, but I don't know that It's like a total winner. TBD, but if you have found a natural deodorant that you are in love with that works, please send me a message and let me know. I would love to do a roundup of good natural deodorants. It's just that is an area that I'm still working on, finding real good swaps. But yeah, it is natural. Anyways, so back to the wedding. Whenever I travel, it's always a reminder of how I really am not normal in the way that I am living my life, and it is such a reminder about why we all really need to be breaking the norm if we want to feel good physically and mentally. There were just so many reminders during the trip that most people are doing things that really don't make you feel good, and mainly because it is what is normal in our society, like people just don't even think about it. You don't question it because that is what we have all grown up with and that is what we are surrounded with every single day. So one moment that that really sunk in was the morning after the wedding. I had gone for a walk. I found this wonderful nature trail and there were horses right as I was going there. And I grew up riding, like I started when I was six and then I rode all throughout college until vet school when I was in Philly and didn't have time or, or any, you know, there aren't many horses in Philly. Um, but whenever I see a horse. Oh, it just, it makes my heart so happy. That was such a huge part of my life. So that was just like wonderful. I was outside, I could hear the birds chirping. I was feeling great. I, and then so I went to get my coffee because I really love to have like one cup of black coffee soon after I wake up. And I used to just make the coffee in the hotel room. Until recently, I became aware of how filthy those coffee pots are in the hotel room. And that was a real downer. So we had these vouchers where we could go and to like the little shop to get a coffee, but they didn't open until seven. And for me, like I've already up, been up for hours. Like normally I wake up at 4:30, however, This time I hadn't because I was up way, way past my bedtime for this wedding. So I'm going to get the coffee and as the barista hands me the coffee, he says,"were you at one of the two weddings last night? Because you look like you feel so much better than everyone else that I've seen this morning". And I was feeling great. I felt really good, aside from my feet were sore because I was just dancing the night away in heels. My dress was too long for me to not be wearing heels, so taking my shoes off wasn't really an option. But I, I'm, you know, I'm only five two, I'm not a tall person, so I feel pretty comfortable in heels, so that was okay, but at my feet, you know, they felt it. There were, they had glow sticks, um, that they handed out for dancing. And man, if you are planning a wedding, highly recommend that. It was so fun. And they weren't just like the flimsy glow sticks. These were like, these, foam wands kind of, and you, they had like a button and it made it, you could like change the way that the lights were lighting up and blinking. It was like a little bit like a saber it, it was great and made the dancing even more fun. Matt was so sweet and he requested edamame by Bbno$. If you have not been following me or listening, you may not know, but that is one of my favorite songs. It's been one of my go-to dance party song like when I have dance parties in the morning in my the bathroom when I'm getting ready edamame if you have not listened to that song, go ahead and download it. It's by B Bonos, which is B B O N O dollar sign and it's really, I, I think it's impossible to listen to that song and not want to dance. So, um, he requested that and that was definitely the best song to dance to that night. So after being up late and dancing a lot, I was feeling really good because I didn't drink. Now it's not that I don't drink. Like there was never a time when I made this conscious decision that I wasn't going to drink. It's not a rule that I have. I'm not pregnant. It's just that it is something that has organically happened as I have worked on feeling comfortable being myself. Learning how to release stress, learning how to give myself permission to have fun. As I have done those things, alcohol has just lost its appeal because now I can have fun without drinking and drinking makes me feel crappy. Like I'm the type of person where, especially after I hit 30, like just having one drink, I was never like a crazy drinker, but having one drink and the next day I just didn't feel good, like I would have a headache or I'd have sinus congestion or just feel kind of like nauseous. I would just feel puffy, you know? I would just always wake up being like, Ugh, I hate this feeling. And, and sometimes even like that night, I wouldn't feel good or wouldn't like the mood. It's interesting that like the more I gave myself permission to just totally be myself and have fun, it's like I don't even really like the way that I am when I have alcohol, which has been really interesting. So it's just that now I just don't want it because I, of course, I, I do really, I enjoy the taste of alcohol, but I, I don't enjoy it enough for it to be worth the way that it makes me feel. Because I can just have them make me mocktails. Um, Which was good, or I was just very hydrated too and plus like it's convenient to not have a drink on the dance floor, you know, so the comment that he made about and, and just seeing how people were feeling the next morning, it made me realize how much most people are willing to sacrifice in order to be given the permission to feel free. And it's really free of the voices that are preventing them from showing up as the most authentic version of them, as the freest version of themselves. You know, a lot of people, it's like alcohol helps you to feel more fun, or maybe you like the person that you are when you have alcohol, but you, you are that person without alcohol. Just with alcohol. It's lowering that inhibition. Right? And when we think about that inhibition, it's really those voices that are holding you back. You know, if you find it easier to be dancing when you've had drinks, it's really the voices that are judging your dancing moves. Right? Telling you that you're not a good dancer. Honestly, I'm not a good dancer, but I love it. You know, like it just, it brings me so much joy and it's so fun and it doesn't matter if I have the best dance moves. It really doesn't, and everybody's just paying attention to their own anyways. You know? I think a huge one is that so many people, so many people who seem very outgoing, even I find, have a lot of social anxiety. And drinks, of course, they make it so much easier to be talking and to be connecting with others. Once again, what are the voices that make it easier? It's really worth taking some time to explore what it is about alcohol if you participate in that, that. What does alcohol give you permission to do that you aren't able to do in day-to-day life? And of course another big one is just de-stressing, right? Like at the end of a long day, knowing that you can just crack open a beer or open that bottle of wine and sip that, and that moment when you just feel. That release and that relaxation through your body and that permission to finally relax. Except for it's just avoiding, right? Because it's not allowing your body to truly release the stress. It's just turning down the volume of the voices that have been pushing you, making you feel uncomfortable or overwhelmed and stressed, and it's just postponing having to deal with something, and I can totally relate to at the end of the long day, wanting a drink. A few years ago, especially in VetMed, on those really hard days, I know that feeling of just wanting to go home and wanting to drink enough that, so I just couldn't feel anything. I just didn't wanna feel so overwhelmed and drained. I just had so many emotions and I didn't wanna feel any of them. I just wanted to feel better and to have a release and a break. A break from it. But one thing as I started paying attention to my body that started happening is that I started to have empathy for my body. I started to see the way that my body was just There for me that entire day throughout all of that stress trying to keep up with me. And then I thought about the fact that then I was quote unquote rewarding it with something that made it feel crappy. And then I would wake up feeling crappy and that just made the next day harder. And that's when I started to really explore alternatives. And at the time, the alternatives that I had were not as quick, but I still was able to be like, okay, you know, I do really wanna just have a drink because I immediately want to escape the feeling that I'm experiencing right now. But what I really need is just to decompress. And maybe I need to go for a little walk, or maybe that means talking to my husband to vent a little bit. And those things really did help me so that I could make it through that initial point when I had just that urge just to like escape and just like rrrr just like that sometimes it was even like anger and just like frustration from the day and I just wanted to leave it all behind. As I started to really start listening to my body more and more, that helped me to, to stop punishing my body after a day when it worked really hard to keep up with me. I. And now I have these tools that actually do work just as quickly as a glass of wine. Now I have so many anti-anxiety tools so that I don't even get to that point where at the end of the day, typically, There are still sometimes, but usually I'm not getting to that point at the end of the day when I am like at that point where I just, ugh, I have like so many emotions. I just wanna like escape from all of them because I have tools that give me that same release as a glass of wine, but that I can do really subtly during the day so that throughout the day I have that pop off valve for the stress. Thinking about like stress is air in a balloon and as you get more and more stress in your body, you get tenser and tenser. And so then it reaches a point where even just like the tiniest bit of stress, the tiniest bit of air, a little bit of pressure from the outside is enough to make you pop. You don't wanna get to that point, so you can just continue to release that stress, release that air throughout the day so you don't get to that point. But the anti-anxiety tools that I have, they're so fast and they work so well that now I can have that same release that wine used to give me, except for I'm actually releasing the stress instead of just avoiding it or numbing it. And the really powerful thing is that once I shift down instead, instead of just like getting this space where I'm just like avoiding everything, then I am in a calmer state where I can decide what I want to do about it. I can collect data about what was really stressful, what contributed to that, and I can think about what I need to support myself, you know, that evening or the next day so that I don't continue to feel that way. That has been so powerful and the more that I do that, the more I can also notice the times if I'm having anxiety about a situation, you know, these same anti-anxiety tools, they work as a roadblock for those patterns in your brain. Because all of those feelings or things that you're wanting to give yourself permission from, and those voices, they're all just habits, right? Like that voice that just always tells you that you're horrible dancer or you're too awkward. It's just a habit that your brain has. It's used to going down that neural highway, when you are there to be dancing, then it shows up and holds you back. But if you start to use these anti-anxiety tools, there are other ways of rewiring your brain you can start having different experiences. So instead of hearing that voice, you can start to be like, Hey, I love dancing and it really doesn't matter what I look like. You know, or you can start to feel comfortable about the way that you're talking instead of having a conversation with someone, and then immediately, you know, just replaying your conversation, rehashing it, and thinking, oh, that was such a stupid thing to say. Why did I say that? I, they must think that I'm so stupid. You know, those are all just voices that are really interfering with you having a really great life and recognizing your awesomeness. And you can just go ahead and turn the volume of those voices down. So the, there are so many anti-anxiety tools I teach those in my game changer course and I now have a free resource that teaches my favorite anti-anxiety tool. So powerful. And then I also share six powerful ways that you can use that so that you can start to instantly decrease stress. You can start to change habits, you can start to transform your mornings, you can get better sleep, and you can even start sharing this with those around you. So I highly recommend getting that. I'll leave the link in the show notes so that you can practice and start exploring. But I also really encourage you to start paying attention to if you are drinking, what does it give you permission to do or how does it make you feel? And if you don't drink, then insert something that you do find yourself turning to. Right? So everybody in this, in our society, there's so many things that we are okay sacrificing not feeling good for that temporary positive feeling that we get from, uh, and many times food, you know, maybe it's sweets, maybe it's fast food, maybe it's like the chips. There may be food that you turn to that you know is going to provide comfort or an escape. And when you start to just allow yourself to be aware of that and to just get a little bit curious about what is it that you're really after? What feeling do you get when you have that, that you're not getting in your day-to-day life? Cuz if you allow yourself to explore that. Then you're going to identify what you really want, and once you're clear on what you really want, it becomes 1) very understandable that you have that habit or you tend to go to that thing because you're probably not getting that feeling or that escape or that permission anywhere else in your life, and your body is so wise. And it always is trying to do what it thinks is best for you to keep you safe and protected. So anytime your actions or your body doesn't feel like it's cooperating, there is such a valuable lesson to really get curious about. There's always a lesson if you are willing to get curious and to listen to your body. You just have to turn down those judgmental voices long enough for you to connect with what that is. I was going to talk a little bit more about other ways we need to break the norm, but I think I'll save that for another podcast episode. Um, but speaking of other podcast episodes, I had a human design reading recently, which is something that I didn't know a lot about, but then I got a little hint of it and I was very intrigued and so I wanted to do a full reading so that I could really decide if I thought that it was something worth really looking into more. And it was crazy how accurate and on point, and. It. I am very, very interested in human design now. And one thing that really stood out to me, It just resonated with me so much is that when she was looking at my incarnation cross, which is basically the energy of your life path, kind of like your purpose. She said that for me, it's that people pass through my life when they need to change or find new direction in a way that benefits everyone as a whole. It leads to universal love. That was crazy to me because I have this just deep feeling that I am living my purpose now, and I feel like that's exactly what I do now. I connect with people who feel like they have tried everything, feel like they are really stuck, and I help them just to see a whole new way of living life in a way that feels so freeing and helps you to see the real you and just to shed the things that have been weighing you down or holding you back, help you start giving yourself permission to show up as the real version of you and that universal love. You know, my ultimate mission is that. When you are kind to yourself, your body, your mind and heart and what you need, that always makes it so that you are able to show up as your best self so that you have patience and you can be kind to those around you. And we have when we have that kind of patience and love for others and ourselves, we treat the world better and I truly believe that that is what we need. So I'm gonna be sharing more about that in another podcast episode. But if you are at the point where you feel like you really are ready for new direction or change in your life, that is exactly what I do. So you can send me a message, you can email me at amelia@lifeboost.today, or you can connect with me on Instagram I'm@lifeboostwithamelia, and let's just start a conversation about how things could change in the most amazing way. Cheers to your inevitable health, happiness, and success.