Ep 54 | When Releasing Parts Of Your Identity Is Necessary To Step Into The Truest Version Of You

One thing that isn’t talked about a lot: sometimes in order to step into the truest, most authentic version of you and to live in “Life Boost Wellness Level 3”, you need to let go of parts of your identity. In this episode, I share how a recent dental procedure had some really valuable lessons on releasing and letting go of the parts of you that have been causing pain and making your life harder or more uncomfortable than they have to be, as well as other valuable lessons on navigating challenging circumstances. 

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Disclaimer: The information provided in this podcast is for educational and informational purposes only and is not intended as medical, mental health, or professional advice. I am a certified health and life coach, not a licensed medical or mental health professional. Please consult with a healthcare provider before making any changes to your physical or mental health routines. If you are experiencing a crisis, seek help from a qualified professional or contact emergency services.

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Transcript

0:57

Hey, life boosters. This is Dr. Amelia health and life coach and veterinarian here to help you ditch yo-yo dieting, people pleasing and perfectionism by breaking the norm and living a life that energizes you from within. I hope that you are doing well. It's interesting to think about, like, I wonder what you're doing right now. The vibe I'm going for with this podcast is that we're just kind of hanging out together. Like I am always in my bonus room. We call it, it's kind of cozy room, usually have a blanket. I do right now it's the morning and just wanna kind of talk to you about what's on my heart and later today I have a dental procedure. that I am, I have a lot of emotions about, and it's something that I have been just kind of working through the past several days. It's uh, Wednesday today and on Thursday and Friday I started to have issues and so it's just kind of been a little bit of a rollercoaster ride since then. Trying to get answers and figuring out the next steps. And I was recognizing that rather than just, you know, focusing on this, there are a actually a lot of lessons, like I'm seeing this, this problem tooth as really a symbol of a lot of things and I've just been stepping back a little bit and noticing the way that I'm interacting, the my thought process through this, how I'm processing the emotions and how I'm choosing to move forward and how I've been navigating the decisions that I have to make. I thought that there were a lot of topics that could be really beneficial to talk about especially in the topic of growth and moving forward and stepping into the life that you really want and really finding to the core who you are, that often means that there are parts of you that you need to let go and to leave behind. And I don't think that that's something that's talked about a lot, but I am seeing this tooth as a symbol of that. And so we're gonna talk about all of it. So first I'm gonna give you a little bit of background information about what is going on So, in general, I would say I do not have great luck when it comes to teeth. I've really worked on my people pleasing and perfectionism, but when it comes to like oral care, even since I was a little kid, I would just like religiously floss, brush my teeth. I never had to be asked in like college, even if I was like out drinking, like I would get home floss. So I take that very seriously. Um, and yet, um, you know, just genetics or the, the way that my body was formed, Sometimes there are problems with my teeth. So I have a tooth that several years ago had to have a root canal. And interestingly enough it wasn't because it was infected, it was because I, I clenched so hard that I killed the tooth, and I don't think that it's a coincidence that that happened during the peak of my burnout. I always talk about how stress stays with you if you are not releasing your stress it is going to get really creative and manifest in all sorts of interesting ways in your body and. For me, certainly clenching was one, like I carried a lot of it in my jaw and there was so much stress that I just killed the tooth, which is a bummer. So then I had the root canal, you know, not super fun. And then if you've never had a root canal before, that is awesome. So there was a special place I had to go to to get the root canal, and then they put a crown on at the dentist. Fast forward a couple of years, my dental office changes ownership and the new dentist is a little bit more proactive, and he's like, that crown was not put on in a very good way. We need to fix that, or it's gonna cause trouble. So not that long ago, I had the crown fixed. We were trying to just be proactive and now, here we are. So it turns out, this tooth is a special tooth and it had lots of little canals. It was not normal, and that was really challenging for the dentist she let me know. Even while during the procedure she was like, this is a strange tooth. I'm trying to get all the canals, but it turns out she didn't. And so now this tooth has failed. So it's been causing a ton of pain I've been going on antibiotics, which I don't love doing of course, because I'm really into gut health. You know, belly is one of the three life Boost B's But at the same time, there are times like this when it is important to go on an antibiotic. So, where I'm at now is that this tooth has caused lots of issues. It's failing. It would be very challenging to go in and trying to now fix the root canal and so it really should come out. which feels like a bummer. Like I've had a lot of emotions about this. This is definitely not something that I hoped for. I would really like to keep all of my teeth like that was my plan. I tried to follow the rules and yet, you know, sometimes there are just things that are out of our control, and this is one of those, I'm fortunate that it's a second molar. it's not one that you necessarily need. It's not gonna change the bite that much. So yeah, hopefully today it's going to come out. As I've been reflecting on this, one of the things I'm trying to do is allowing myself to be honest about all of the emotions that I feel because there are a lot, it, it does make me sad, um, that this is the scenario that I'm in. It makes me frustrated and it's very easy for me to go down the road of some negative thought patterns of just like, oh, like of course, like I have the absolute worst luck. Like, I'm sure there's gonna be complications even with this. Um, you know, but those thoughts aren't really helpful or serving. I'm just, I'm recognizing and more just allowing myself to be aware, like, yeah, this does feel really frustrating. I am also using gratitude without gaslighting myself, which I think is a very important thing. Because I, I do see many of my clients, I see many people, using gratitude in a way of gaslighting themselves into feeling like they don't get to have uncomfortable emotions about certain situations. So what I mean by that is I am grateful that this is like a big thing that's happening in my life right now. Like this is something that feels hard you know, it is painful. It's not what I wanted. At the same time, this is something that can be fixed. Or at least there's an option of moving forward. I guess this tooth isn't necessarily going to be fixed. But, when I think about the challenges that others are having to face, this isn't that big of a deal. at the same time. I'm not using that to say like why are you even having these emotions about this? It's fine. It's just a tooth, you know? It's not that big of a deal. But for me it is helpful to just remember to put that into perspective and it helps me with my mindset around what's happening and to not get too caught up in those hard emotions. So in reflecting about this tooth, the interesting thing is that it has been causing me pain and making my life harder than it has to be for a very, very long time. So if you rewind a long time ago, I had braces, yeah, I told you I have had, I have a very interesting history when it comes to my teeth. And, at one point they had taken x-rays and they looked at this tooth and they saw something weird about it, and it turns out this tooth has an enamel pearl, which sounds kind of delightful and special. But I, speaking from my experience, it's not a great thing. this is not a pearl that you want to have. so it looked abnormal and they thought that it was maybe some kind of foreign material had gotten up there or something. And so they were like, well, we just wanna be able to make sure it's not like a little elastic band or something. So they started to cut up into my gum tissuewithout pain medication and they weren't really able to get to it or they weren't seeing anything, and so they just kept, it was like a very long kind of traumatic procedure. They continued to dig more and more. They weren't using pain medication. So it was a really painful, I was confused about what was happening. It wasn't something that was planned. It was supposed to just be like a, like an orthodontic appointment. So that was kind of traumatic and it turns out like this is the same tooth. It was be because of this enamel pearl, which now may have been contributing to some of what is causing the issues now. So in reflecting this tooth is a part of me, but it's maybe a part of me that it's really time to let go of. and that is something that I have learned that in getting to this point where I am now of being so grateful for where I am, just feeling like I understand who I am, that I am feeling fulfilled in life, feeling more alive than I've ever felt a part of that has meant recognizing that there are parts of me that I identified with that I needed to let go in order to become the truest version of me, and that is something that is important to recognize if you are on your own wellness journey or journey on really getting clear on who you are at the core. because there are so many parts of us and our identity that we hold so true. And we think that it's who we are. And sometimes it's not who we are at the core. Like when we were born it's not necessarily like how we were meant to behave. It's more that we started to pick up certain behaviors and tendencies through life in response to our childhood and the way that others treated us, and what we learned helped us to feel safe and protected and loved, and a lot of that can stem from people pleasing tendencies. Sometimes it can be pretty confusing or difficult to untangle. You know, how much of that is the kindness and empathy that you have? And some of that tendency to want to take care of others or, or please others, keep everybody happy being the peacemaker, how much of that could be rooted more in, in a trauma response? So that fawn behavior of, if I set aside all my needs and I do what you need, if I take care of you, if I do what will make you happy, then I will be safe. In my new game Changer course, which is the very first course you go through in my yearly membership, the four different trauma responses- fight, flight, fawn, and freeze. I talk about all of those, introduce those, help you to, to get clearer on if any of those responses could be contributing to some of your behaviors With perfectionism, that's more the flight response that need to just always be busy, rest feels uncomfortable. That was another part of me that I really identified with. I thought I was just like the type of person who just is always on the go, who doesn't like to sit still, who doesn't like meditating or yoga. And it took me a long time to realize that that was more, that was a stress response or trauma response that I had learned that being productive was safe and rest could mean getting in trouble, and that has been something that I've needed to unlearn. So these are parts of me that I have recognized that I identified with, and that in order to move forward and to grow and to feel like my truest version of myself. I am working to, to shed those because those are parts of me that have made my life so much harder than they had to be and they have caused pain and in full circle in ways of those tendencies, that perfectionism, that people pleasing that was so much at the root of why I was burnt out in the first place. And interestingly, that's what was causing that. Stress that I was so stressed that I killed my own tooth. Little bit full circle, which is interesting. Now in a little bit more of like a superficial level in getting to this point, wellness life boost level three, where a healthy, sustainable lifestyle feels effortless. My normal life. It's just how I live. I'm not afraid of falling off because this is just the way that I eat, the way that I move my body, the way that I navigate life. As a reminder, if you haven't listened to other podcasts or if you haven't been hanging out around me as long, there are three wellness levels. The first wellness level is I'll do it tomorrow. You know, it's that level where you want to be making healthy changes or you want things to be different in life. It's just today feels too overwhelming, too hard. You're putting it off until tomorrow, and you may be stuck in that pattern of continuing to think that in the future you're going to make changes, but you're just staying stuck. Level two is the bandwagon. That's where you're making healthy changes. It's feeling good, but it feels really fragile, and you're worried that at any moment you could fall off the bandwagon. It feels hard, it doesn't feel natural. You might be relying on discipline and willpower, and it's normal in our society to act as if those are the only two options. But there is this wellness level three. It is 100% possible to just be living life in a very nourishing way, and you know that you're at that level because you are energized by that lifestyle. You are resilient and you're not worried about falling off the bandwagon. And a huge part of that is having a loving, supportive relationship with yourself. Trusting yourself and always staying curious about what you need, listening and honoring what that is, and that definitely can change through life. So in order to get to this wellness level three, there are superficial tendencies that I also had to let go. So that can relate to my eating and drinking habits. So growing up I was a major ice cream lover. Like that was part of my identity. I loved ice cream and it wasn't something that I necessarily wanted to just to let go of. I didn't think that it was a problem. Like I felt like I was relatively healthy. and I loved ice cream and I would have it pretty much every night. That was also balanced with sometimes a time when I was being really restrictive and I'd be like, well, if I have like a low calorie salad plus ice cream that's balanced and great and healthy. And I never intended to, it wasn't ever that like, oh, I need to stop this ice cream habit. It was just kind of naturally as I reached level three Life boost as I was paying attention to the way that food was making me feel. Instead of just focusing external things like the calories, like, oh, if my weight's not changing and the calories must be okay, so this is healthy. When I started to actually pay attention to how food was making, Feel, then I just naturally started choosing other things and I wasn't craving all of that sweetness. My epic blueberry concoction now is what I prefer more. And if you're not familiar with that, I'm gonna share it again because ugh, it is so good. It's such an epic brain food too. So easy. So if you take frozen blueberries, and I do not recommend the dole ones, because they're, sometimes, somehow whenever I get them, they're like super freezer burnt. So I get them from Costco. I'll either get the smaller wild blueberries that are pesticide free or they have organic blueberries. I slightly defrost them. So you can either let them sit. Just in room temperature for a little bit, or I will put them in the microwave for maybe like 30 seconds to a minute. That helps to release some of the juices. And then I pour on some cinnamon and you can just stop there and that is delicious. Or you can also add some cacao powder, this cocoa powder, basically just a little bit more of the pure form. Cacao powder is such wonderful brain food and blueberries are, I like to call'em brain berries because they're so good for your brain. This is such a great snack. You can stop there if you want. That is delicious. Or sometimes. I will add some ground flax seed that can be delicious. Um, sometimes I'll add a little bit of like drizzled tahini. Sometimes I'll add some coconut chips. When you defrost the blueberries and you mix it with a cinnamon and or cacao powder, it creates an amazing sauce. It is so good. And it's a little bit of that like iciness cuz it's still a little bit frozen and I feel epic after that. I don't feel weighed down at all. It is sweet and satisfying. Um, lately I've al also actually been including raspberries, which is so yummy. And I've been adding in a acacia powder just to have a little bit of extra prebiotics, which is great. You just don't really notice it. And I've been adding in some lions mane powder. I mean, if you really want an epic brain snack that also just tastes freaking fantastic that is available for you So it, it's just that naturally I just didn't want that ice cream anymore. Like when I thought, you know, I, I certainly can have ice cream if I want to. It's just that I feel better when I have that epic blueberry dish and I love it so much. So that's another part of me where I used to really identify as a major ice cream lover and it's just, that's just not who I am now. Similarly, with drinking alcohol, alcohol was, I was never like a huge drinker, but it was a big part of the things that I did socially, like activities that I liked doing. Like if someone was to ask me what I like to do for fun, a big one was going to breweries. I loved beer tasting. I also loved going to wineries like fun cocktails, all of those things I love. And I mean, I still, I absolutely love the taste of a good I p a beer so good. I love the taste of wine. I love fun herbal cocktails. So much. I love the ritual of it. I love the connection with people. The relaxation to an extent. All of the symbols behind alcohol. I love all of that. And I used to be the one who really liked recommending that. Like it felt fun to say to Matt, my husband, like, oh, let's go hang out at a brewery, or for friends, let's to get together with drinks. I loved all of that, and yet that's not really a part of me now and I never intended to not drink. And I also, I don't identify as that now. Like, it's not that I, I don't drink it's just that 99.9% of the time I choose not to. And that has also just been a natural thing that has happened in the more that I listen to my body and honor what my body, mind, and heart really need, and the more I allow myself to feel emotions. And to really honor what I need to process those, the less and less I needed alcohol. And I started to recognize that,, when I had those drinks, I did love how they tasted in the moment, but I really, I, it didn't feel good in my body. There was this feeling of the next morning I felt pretty awful. Even if I was just having one glass of wine or one ipa, I would have a headache a lot of the times, or my whole body just felt really inflamed and puffy and I just started being like, why am I doing this? you know, I could in my mind justify like, oh, wine's supposed to be great and I'm drinking like a normal amount, but clearly for my body that did not feel good to me. And I also started recognizing that. I didn't need that release anymore. Whereas like in the past, that was the symbol for me to finally be able to just unwind. Like if I was having a drink, okay, I'm not gonna be productive anymore. Or it was the, um, it was like I could be myself when I was having alcohol. I liked who I was when I was having alcohol. I felt more free. and I just felt relaxed. Now, I just am able to give myself permission to do those things because I am more comfortable in who I am. I just feel like I am who I am. I don't need that alcohol in order to achieve that. I have so many other things that help me to actually deal with my stress instead of numbing it. In terms of my mindset and the journaling practices and meditating and even just the ways that I'm able to change, I'm so much aware of the patterns of my brain and in this, in a new coaching certification that I'm doing is coaching the unconscious mind and it's blowing my mind of how quickly I'm able to change the way that I'm feeling about certain things to completely change my anxiety towards things that feel scary. It's so cool and so it's been a natural evolution. That I've realized, now that's also just not a part of me, and I have had to replace those and I still love going to breweries. I love that ritual of going out, hanging out. I love conversations and so enjoying a good conversation while having a drink is great. It's just now I tend to choose like kombucha or sometimes I'll even get, there are some really good non-alcoholic beers now. Um, I wanna say the company, the very best one I've found. Like if you love IPAs or love beers, but you just don't want to have the alcohol part, it's like un something art. I'll look it up and I'll leave it in the show notes. But it's amazing. Like I would never know that it didn't have alcohol. So then you're really able to experience the whole flavor if you enjoy that without, without the effects of the alcohol, if that doesn't feel good to you. Or sometimes I'll just have water. Sometimes I'll have sparkling water. Um, if I'm at a place that has a bar I really love getting mocktails and one tip is that I will look at the list of cocktails and see what ingredients they have available that they're putting in. So a lot of the times there's mint or other herbs, which I love putting into club soda or seltzer. They may have bitters, which can be really great to add. You can sometimes add like cucumbers or jalapenos or, uh, different fruits either can sometimes be so many options and you don't have to add any sugar, but it just creates a really fun beverage. So you're not just having to drink water, you're still getting to have a cool experience of drinking something fun in a way that feels good to you. So that's just a part of me that, that I have learned, like that was a part that was not making my life really comfortable. It wasn't really serving me and in shedding that I have been able to connect more to getting curious about why I needed that alcohol in the first place, and really giving myself what I truly needed in order to feel like I could be myself without needing alcohol. So, it's a very personal decision and I think that everybody's bodies respond differently to alcohol and all foods in general, I am never going to tell you what you should or shouldn't put into your body because you are the only one who knows how that food or those drinks or whatever habit is making you feel. And you have the power to observe how it's making you feel, to get curious about if you like it, to embrace your inner researcher and collect that data, and then to decide what feels good to as you work towards that wellness level three. So all of that is to say I'm recognizing that yeah, I am bummed that this is the circumstance that I have, that I'm needing to extract a tooth. Like it wasn't something that I planned for myself and yet I see now reflecting back, how much pain this tooth has caused, how much it has made my life harder than it had to be for a long time, and I'm excited to just let that go. My body is clearly telling me it's a time for this to go and there's an option of putting an implant in, and I've been reflecting on that too. I didn't know if I was even going to share this, but I guess I am. It's not a big deal either way. Um, I don't think that I am going to get an implant for this tooth because, In this situation, it's not one that you would necessarily like look at me and know that there was a tooth missing because it's so far in the back. It's not going to affect the bite or cause my teeth to migrate, like would be the case with some others. And it potentially could be a very involved procedure. They might actually like have to move my sinuses in order to do that and it would mean putting more foreign material into my body of metals and, and other foreign materials in that area. And I'm at the point where I'm just like, I don't think that that's maybe the most nourishing option for my body. I think that just releasing this area and letting that heal is at this point what I want to do. And maybe in the future they did say that, Could decide that I maybe wanted to do that in the future, but I think at this point I am ready to just release and let it go. So as you listen to this, I encourage you just to take some time to reflect are there parts of you that you're maybe holding onto that are causing you pain or making your life harder than they have to? and is it time to release and let that go? Is it time to let go of that so that you can replace it with something that feels even more true to who you are if you are interested in really exploring that I now have a yearly life boost membership option. The very first part of that is my game changer course, and that is because when you are starting your wellness journey and stepping into the life that makes you feel alive and fulfilled and energized, it is really important to get clear on what you truly want, to really increase the awareness of who you are and who you want to. And this Game Changer course helps you to get clear with that very deeply. If you are wanting to really explore that, you can sign up for my yearly membership a part of that is weekly group coaching calls so we can explore things together. If you have things that you're wanting to change the group coaching calls are an opportunity for us to be really working on rewiring your brain and changing patterns quickly, exploring things and uncovering your blind spots. You have access to the Game Changer course in addition to a huge amount of resources that you'll slowly unlock as you move forward one step at a time, at a pace that is right for you, and you will slowly learn all three of the life B's you'll learn how to balance your blood sugar, how to optimize your gut health, and really dive deep into all of the mindset that Brain stress, happiness, mindset. How to balance all of those together in order to achieve a life that you love, that is coming from a loving place that fits in and feels so doable with your lifestyle and that you can do long-term, you're creating a new norm. So that's my new membership option. If you are wanting to test the waters and try a month of the group coaching in addition to getting the whole game changer course, then that is available to you. It's only$300 for that entire course, which is named a game changer because it truly will be a game changer. And that's gonna help you explore so much of who you are, parts of you, that it is time to let go of, it's going to help you in getting clearer on the life that you want and how to manifest that. It's, it is cool. And I'll leave the link in the show notes for you. to sign up if that is something that you feel drawn to. And then I have made it so that everybody for free can do the first module, the first part of the game changer course, because I feel like there are certain things that absolutely everybody needs to have access to. And in this first module, you will learn three amazing techniques for stopping stress and anxiety in its tracks like in the moment. That alone, to have to be empowered with those three techniques is a game changer. And then I also share my life boosto approach to journaling. And if you were to have any healthy habit, if there was one habit I had to choose that was going to have the most impact on you getting to wellness level three, life boost, or really getting clear on who you are and what you need, it would be journaling 1000% and if journaling doesn't sound appealing, if you've tried to get into it and you just can't, I get it because I didn't journal forever cuz I didn't think that was for me. And now it is the most important thing that I do. It makes all the difference in like no matter what I have on my plate, I make time to journal in the morning and it has a huge impact on the way that I navigate the whole day and how I feel, so I share my life boost technique, my approach that is going to make it so that if you are feeling intimidated in any way, it is going to be a habit that you're going to start creating. And then I also share more about the approach that's going to help you get to wellness level three. So you can have clarity on what been getting in the way in the past, causing you to be stuck in that. Either I'll do it tomorrow or that band wagon. So all of those options are available for you. One final thing that I did want to mention is that this whole thing around the tooth is another example of releasing perfectionism, and I really want to highlight that. I talk about the, the life boost bees and living in wellness level three, life boost. It's so important to understand that being in that place does not mean that you are 100% healthy, or everything is 100% balanced all the time. That is very rarely happening. At all times. You know, there are times when you're going to. Your gut health may be out of balance or your blood sugar may be a little bit off. You might not be able to have that perfect, which it, it does not need to be. That will cause stress, which then affects your brain and there are always things that are going to feel challenging when it comes to stress or your mindset and happiness. And wellness level three is not at all about having those all be perfect. It is about listening to all of those and going through life, listening to your body, mind and heart, and noticing where you need to be giving more attention. What parts of you need need more nourishment. And so in this case, I was going on an antibiotic and that is hurting my gut health during a time when I'm actually doing a protocol to improve my gut health. And that's just something that is out of my control. That can't be perfect. And that is okay because I cannot control my circumstances, but I can control the way that I respond to them. And the way that I am doing that is I'm focusing on what is in my power. I as always am nourishing my body with lots of real foods to make up for the fact that the antibiotics, are, are wiping out some of those good guys that I want. I am replenishing those with prebiotics, with a diverse diet of plants so that those good guys get all the food that they need. I am using probiotics right now, which, is a whole topic in and of itself. There are times when I think that's helpful. Other times that you don't need them can eat probiotic rich food. And this is a time when I am really doing a lot of mindset work and managing my stress, but allowing myself also to just feel all of the emotions and journaling on those. And just want that to be a reminder. You have any, any feelings towards, needing to be perfect when it comes to healthy or things being black and white, know that it's never going to be that way. wellness level three is all about embracing that gray area of that balance, recognizing that, it's always a little bit of give and take, but as long as you are tuning into your body and getting curious about what you need and how you can support yourself, and how you can respond to circumstances that is how you will always be moving forward. You will always be moving towards having more energy and you will have so much resilience in life. So I hope that my little tooth journey reflections have given you some food for thought. The messages that I really want to leave you with and to encourage you to reflect on is that you're not allowing yourself to experience and to be honest, when things are feeling hard, recognize that while you don't have control of your circumstances, you do have control over how you respond to them and how you listen to your body and support yourself. and get curious about if there are parts of you that have been causing pain in your life or have been making your life harder than it has to be, and is it time to release some of those? Are there parts of you that you have I been identifying with that you need to shed and let go of and in in order to step into the truest, most authentic version of you? Now let me know. I'd love to hear from you. So if any of this resonates, send me a message. You can send me an email at amelia@lifeboost.today. I am on TikTok now. You can find me there on Instagram. I'm@lifeboostwithamelia. I love to hear from you. And if you are ready to start your journey towards stepping into the life that just leaves you feeling so alive and fulfilled, then send me a message or check out my yearly membership option, my game changer course, or even that free first module. That alone would be an absolute game changer to help you to start moving forward in life. Cheers to your inevitable health, happiness, and success.