If you're feeling stuck anywhere in life (health, career, relationship, etc), the very first thing to address is the relationship you have with yourself. When you foster a supportive, respectful, and loving relationship with yourself, it will create a positive ripple effect in all aspects of your life. In this episode, I share 4 powerful things you can start doing today to address the relationship you have with yourself. We discuss:
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Music: “Play Thing” by Ketsa
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Hey life boosters. This is Dr. Amelia health coach and veterinarian here to help you ditch yoyo, dieting people, pleasing and perfectionism by breaking the norm and living a life that energizes you from within today we are going to talk about a very important topic. So if you were feeling stuck in any area of your life, that could be creating a healthy lifestyle relationships, your career, money, regardless of where you're feeling stuck, the number one thing that you need to focus on first in order in order to start moving forward is the relationship that you have with yourself. And I'm gonna share four tips and things that you can start doing to really start addressing the relationship that you have with yourself and making sure that you are starting to create a loving and supportive relationship, which unfortunately is not the norm in our society. Now it has been a couple of weeks, I think since I did a podcast and that's because I was taking my own advice and I was asking myself, how am I making my life harder than it has to be? And I honestly was pushing my limit a little bit in terms of work life balance. So as both a health coach and a veterinarian, it has just, it's constantly a Learning experience finding what balance feels best so that I'm able to continue to be a veterinarian and I'm able to show up in the way that I want to for my clients, um, to continue to be creating content, to help, to keep you inspired. and, um, as things grow and evolve, it is trial and error. And I reached, I, I found what that limit is in terms of, um, a balance. So, I noticed just in both my body and mind senses that I was starting to be a little bit stressed. Things were feeling a little bit overwhelming. And so I paused and recognized, like what were my top priorities and what were things that I wanted to do, but maybe they needed to take a backseat until I could catch up. and I love podcasting, but I recognize, you know, that was not a top priority. Number one was being there for my clients. And then of course I needed to do the veterinary shifts that I had scheduled. And now I am so much more caught up! So one thing that I have been busy with this past month in the best way has been my one month slumber party program. That launched, and it has been bringing me so much joy because we have a group of incredible women who have just been showing up in the best way. So the slumber party program is designed for women to embrace self love, to start building confidence, to practice checking in with how they're feeling and what they need and speaking up for, establishing boundaries, and adding some fun into their life. Because as I look around what I see are all of these incredible women who are being so hard on themselves and who are exhausted, right. Because they aren't ever taking any time for themselves, or they're just constantly judging themselves and being so hard on themselves and not recognizing how incredible they are. And what I see so much of is that there's this frustration, right? Like so many people are feeling stuck because you want to make healthy changes and yet life just feels so overwhelming. And it feels like to take on the next step of like making all these changes or addressing what you're eating or starting a fitness plan. That feels mentally exhausting. And you also may not even see any room in your schedule to do that. And so it, there's this frustrating cycle of being like, Ugh, I'm so frustrated. Like I know I need to make healthy changes. Why can't I do that? But at the same time, you're like, oh my gosh, I'm so overwhelmed with life right now. There are just so many other things. I just can't take that on. Right now. I see that so often. And you know, it's not your fault. It's, that's like what's normal in our society because especially as women, but certainly men as well, you know, there's just this constant need to like, do, do do, and rest is not normal. Right? We are connecting our sense of self worth with like how productive we are and just always wanting to achieve and, and do more. And the message in our society is that it just, it has to be hard, like success equals doing more and pushing yourself. And certainly we see that with the diet and the fitness industry. That message is huge. Right? You have to be. Disciplined with your food. You have to be restricting. You need to spend tons of time meal planning in order to be eating healthy, like healthy, just turns into this exhausting thing or for fitness. Oh, you need to be forcing yourself to the gym. You need to be pushing yourself harder. It is exhausting just thinking about that instead of starting to focus on why does life feel exhausting? Why do I feel like I can't take anything on? And addressing that first and ultimately it all boils down to the relationship that you have with yourself. So I called it the slumber party because slumber parties are a time when you are getting together with a really supportive network of women where you feel loved, where you can show up and just be real. You can talk about what's really going on, but it's also a space where there's some fun and play and you get a break from your everyday duties. And so that's what the slumber party is designed to do. And it's been really fun seeing how the women are showing up in the private Facebook group that we have, um, posting selfies, just talking about how they are starting to prioritize them, establishing boundaries, it has been really fun. And that's a, an area where we really need to be breaking the norm in our society. Right. Moving past these expectations that women are living with, that you have to do it all and tying your sense of self worth of being like the caregiver, putting everybody else before yourself, having those thoughts of like taking time for you being selfish. We need to be changing that. And. And not feeling guilty when you are establishing boundaries or speaking up for what you need. And a huge part of that is starting to have conversations about this and calling that out. And so this weekend, this past weekend, I had a conversation with Stacy Phoenix, who is a fellow life coach. She is also a soulmate manifestation expert and we did an Instagram live together. And I really encourage you to check that out. I'll link it in the caption here because it was a great conversation. We talked so much about the importance of a relationship that you have with yourself, we talked about the power of mindset, we talked a little about manifestation, which if you think that that's just out there, I really encourage you to, um, think more about it. Um, because manifesting is really just about getting clear about what you need and thinking about what action steps you need in order to move forward. We also talked about how much energy impacts everything. And while, Stacy and I both have different areas of expertise, me more with a creating a healthy, sustainable lifestyle that you love Stacy with finding your soulmate or your partner you want in life and addressing relationships. Those seem so different. And yet at the core we have the exact same message. And that really is that first you have to address the relationship that you have with yourself. So that's what I want to talk more about today. Right now take a minute and just think about what is the narrative that you have, or how are you typically talking to yourself throughout the day? Are you constantly judging your appearance, your actions, your habits because if you are constantly judging yourself, telling yourself that you're not good enough. You're not deserving. Then what happens is that you are going to search for external validation because you are not going to feel like you're deserving of love yourself. Or you're not going to approve of yourself. And so you're going to need other things to help you to have that sense of worthiness and deservingness. External validation may look like the number on the scale, right? So, if you are not feeling confident in your body or yourself, then you may let the number on the scale, determine that, right? If you step on the scale in the morning and it's a number that you like, then maybe you are deserving, it's going to be a good day. If you step on the scale and it's not a number that you like, what thoughts are coming up about you? How is that going to influence the way that you treat yourself throughout the day? Are you just going to not even try making healthy changes because you're like, Ugh, it's not working anyways. Never going to, it's never going to change. Are you punishing yourself? Or like, Ugh, the number on the scale is up, I need to be extra good. I need to restrict myself, punish myself by going to the gym, working extra hard. What is the narrative that you have based on some external thing? And are you telling yourself a story that when you see a certain number on the scale, are you saying that everything is suddenly going to be better then? .Like, well, once you achieve that weight loss, then everything will be better. Then you will feel deserving. Then you will like what you see in the mirror, you'll have better energy. Your entire life will be perfect once you see that number on the scale. There are these stories that we make up and that we really believe and here's the, the thing that I always want to remind you, the number on the scale is neutral. That is not going to change everything, right? Because say you achieve your goal number, the way that you feel could be completely different. So you could see your goal number, but you could feel super restricted. You could be hangry, you could feel deprived. You could have low energy, you could be miserable still. If you have achieved that number in a way that was working against your body and not respectful if you were following this diet, that definitely wasn't sustainable. If you weren't eating enough, if you're just constantly feeling like you're having to white knuckle it, then when seeing that goal number is not going to feel like you thought it would. At the same time, you could see that gold number and maybe you feel super strong. You feel energized, nourished, satisfied, excited. It's not the number that gave you that it's the journey that you had to get to that point and the approach, and the only way you are going to feel that way, when you see that number is if the journey that you took came from a place where you are loving and respectful to your body. Where you're partnering with your body and understanding what it needs. That's so key, right? It's not the destination that you should be focused on. It's how can I make the journey to my goals and this destination that I'm dreaming of- how can I make the journey enjoyable? and that stems from the relationship that you have with yourself. Now continue to think about the narrative that you have and your inner voice with other things. Like, are you a people pleaser, you know, or perfectionist? Like, are you always trying to get praise from others. Is that what gives you that just like moment of feeling worthy or that boost? Here's the thing. If you don't have a great relationship with yourself, then when you get praise from others, when you get a compliment or you're told that you did an amazing job, you're not going to believe it, right. You're just gonna quickly dismiss. Do you have a hard time accepting compliments? When somebody tells you you're amazing at your job, do you just dismiss that and instantly think about why that's not actually true? Or do you think about one of your weaknesses? Whether that's with your relationship or your job, or just the way that you're experiencing life or your body. you may be so focused on how can you get praise from others. And yet, if you don't have a really amazing nourishing supportive relationship with yourself, that praise that you're constantly exhausting yourself trying to get is not going to feel like you thought it would. Same with achieving a goal. It's that sense of that thought of like, when I achieve this goal, when I get to this destination, everything is going to feel great. I am going to feel deserving. It could be getting that promotion. It could be finding that person achieving that relationship. It could be once again, you know, achieving that fitness goal or achieving that number on the scale. All of these goals, we make up these stories that everything's going to be perfect, or we're going to feel deserving. We're gonna feel so proud of ourselves when we achieve that. And yet, if during the journey getting there, you have been approaching it in a way that you're just constantly judging yourself, not telling yourself you're good enough, you're being hard on yourself then. As soon as you achieve that goal, your just going to be a new one. There's going to be a new destination. You're never going to have that period where you are truly proud of yourself unless you address it now. So let's talk about where to start with starting to create a really supportive relationship with yourself. The very first thing that I recommend doing. Is naming your inner critic. So start paying attention to the thoughts that you have that are negative. Like when you look in the mirror, what thoughts come up when you are feeling like you are just not good enough at your job, when you are telling yourself that you are just never going to be able to stick to healthy habits... like, what is the, what are those negative voices and name? So, for example, I have named my inner critic. BK that stands for buzzkill because that is absolutely what she does when she shows up. Right. Like I could be feeling really great and then say, I look in the mirror and even though I'm feeling really like strong and confident, maybe sexy, then she looks in the mirror and she sees something that she doesn't like, and she shows up. And that's a major buzz skill, because until that happened, I was feeling really great. Right. Or it could absolutely be my job. And that feeling, those imposter syndrome thoughts of like, Ugh, you are not a good vet. You aren't good enough. All of these thoughts, that's just a major buzzkill when otherwise I'm just feeling like a pretty great vet. So the reason that I recommend naming your inner critic is because it helps you to start separating yourself from it. And that way you start to become more aware of those thoughts and you can call them out and you can dismiss them. So one thing to be aware of is that the reason that you have these negative thoughts in the first place, it actually does come from a good place. Those thoughts originated because they are in some way trying to protect you. They're trying to help you to feel safe. Now they're trying to protect you from disappointment. They are trying to help you to succeed. and It's really valuable to think about when did those thoughts first start showing up? So I had so many thoughts of like, just never doing enough, like always needing to, to do more or fear of failure and those perfectionist thoughts. I started having early on because I wanted to be a veterinarian and that meant that I needed to succeed in school. And I had this kind of slave driver mentality and relationship with myself because when I did that and when I told myself things weren't good enough, I needed to work harder and harder. Then I was getting A's and then I would get praised for my teachers. And I thought that I needed that as motivation. Um, in reality, that was exhausting me. So. it's helpful to work, to understand like why and where these thoughts came, came up to recognize that at the root, those thoughts are trying to protect you and then to acknowledge that they are not protecting you, they are making your life more uncomfortable and they are no longer serving you so they can take a backseat. So when you name your inner critic, you can notice like, okay, BK. Yep. I hear you. But, um, that's not what we're going to do. By naming your inner critic, then you can start to pay attention to what they are saying. And then you can replace those, that narrative with a new, more supportive narrative. So for example, if I look in the mirror, a BK shows up and is like, oh my gosh, look at all those wrinkles. I can notice that thought it's going to come up and I can instantly replace it with a new supportive thought that feels good, right? Like, okay. I'm in my thirties, I am starting to get some wrinkles and these are a representation of how expressive my face is. And that's okay because I am really loving the point where I am in life. And maybe there are some things that I can do. I can start to prioritize more skincare, but you know, I am grateful for this point. If you are feeling exhausted anywhere in life, at the root is a lack of boundaries. And as you start to address boundaries and create more healthy boundaries before you even start addressing like your schedule or with others, you have to start creating healthy boundaries with yourself. And the number one place I recommend starting is with that inner critic. Just starting a zero tolerance for bullies policy with yourself. No more judgemental, bullying, thoughts, just continue to practice noticing when they pop up. And as soon as they do think about how you can replace that in a more supportive, respectful, loving way. Now, my second tip has to do with confidence because when we don't have a great relationship with ourself, confidence majorly suffers. Right. And I was not confident in myself for so long with the perfectionist and people pleasing tendencies. I was constantly looking for others in order to have proof that I was worthy of feeling good, whether that was praise from others that helped me feel good, like being liked by others. Um, getting the a I needed all of those, because I wasn't confident in who I was. And it was exhausting constantly trying to show up as the person who I thought would be liked or pleasing everybody, instead of just being confident in who I was and allowing myself to just show up authentically. The number one mindset shift that has made the biggest difference in my confidence is knowing that no matter what, I've got my own back, that's life changing. So absolutely there are times when I'm going to be awkward and I'm going to make a mistake. But ultimately, as long as I know that I'll be there for myself and I'm not going to judge myself for it. And instead, I'll see it as me showing up authentically being real, being vulnerable, see mistakes as a sign that I'm pushing myself or I'm learning. I'm growing. As long as I know, I'm not going to judge myself. I can do anything, right? So you don't have to wait for a certain number on the scale to be confident with who you are, as soon as you start to support yourself and to see yourself as worthy. And to know that you're not going to be judging yourself you can start allowing yourself to show up as the amazing person that you are today. Now confidence doesn't mean that you are not going to feel afraid. So for example, with doing the Instagram live, I definitely felt nervous before that it feels really vulnerable, um, showing up live and you don't know what's going to happen. And certainly with perfectionist tendencies, my brain likes to be able to predict everything and that's not an option that going live means that I just need to show up authentically and to be me. So while I may have been nervous, I also felt confident going into it. And that was because ultimately I trusted that I was not going to judge myself that no matter what happened during that Instagram live, it wasn't going to influence the way that I felt about myself. That is huge. Right. Trusting yourself is such a huge piece of. And that also applies with making healthy changes. So one major thing I see is this fear of always falling off the bandwagon, right? You don't trust that you'll be able to stick with healthy changes and ultimately that's because anytime you do eat something that you defined as bad or something that you shouldn't have, you are making that mean something about yourself and you're judging yourself. But what about, what if you trusted that even if you make a decision that doesn't feel good. What if not, you're going to learn from that. And then next time you're going to choose something that does, or what if you trust that you're going to continue to get curious, right? Embracing that inner researcher, ditching judgment and embracing curiosity. What if you trust that you will continue to learn when you make a mistake or you do something that doesn't feel good that you will work to understand why you did that and what your body actually needs. So you continue to move forward. When you are confident that you will continue to choose to respect your body and to figure out what it needs. As long as you stay curious, and you're continuing to learn about why you're doing certain things and what you need to move forward, you will continue to build more and more confidence and more trust in yourself. And that leads to my third step. You really need to partner with your body. In order to have a healthy relationship with yourself, you and your body need to be on the same team. That certainly isn't the message that the diet and fitness industry have given you, right? It's like, no, you need to restrict your body. You can't have the things that you want. You need to not listen to your own hunger cues. You need to count calorie. And then you need to force yourself to the gym. You need to be exhausted. All of that is that you need to not listen to your body because you can't trust your body. And that's not true. You in order to create a healthy, sustainable lifestyle, you need to be able to listen to your body and you need to partner with it. And you need to trust that you're going to take care of it. Your body. Even if you are not loving where you're at right now, want you to take a minute, just to think about how hard your body has been working to keep up with your life. Like you are probably doing amazing things. You probably have a really busy schedule. Think about all that you have been through in your life. Your body has been there for you the entire. and it is trying to keep up, but you have to think about what kind of boss have you been, right? Like you are the CEO of your own body. You get to decide when it gets to rest. You decide when it works, you decide how you are paying it back. And how are you doing that? Right? Are you acknowledging when it hasn't had a lot of sleep? Are you prioritizing basic necessities like food, water, rest, sunlight, or are you just kind of ignoring it and expecting it to work over time, to have good energy, even though you're not giving it good fuel, are you not even watering it? Hydrating? We really need to start to pay attention to what expectations you've been having for your body compared to how you've been treating it. One place to start, and this is something that I encourage in the slumber party is just every morning, starting the day, either writing down or saying to yourself "I will take care of you today, body". Just that simple act, taking that moment to acknowledge your body and wanting to take care of it can be really powerful. How can you take care of your body today and at the end of the day, starting to thank it. Say, thank you body for keeping up with me. Instead of judging your body, want to reiterate, encourage embracing your inner researcher, ditching judgment and embracing curiosity. Be willing to learn what your body needs. Why is your body feel tired? Why is your body holding onto that extra? What are things that you can do in the day that are boosting your energy? What are foods that make you feel really good? What are foods that make you feel really crappy when during the day is your energy really low and start to collect data about what that is? What are the things that are draining you? What are the things that boost your energy? How are those balanced out right now? is your day loaded with things that are draining your energy and there are very few things that are boosting your energy? When in the day, do you have a moment to yourself? What's helping you to recharge? Why is it understandable that you are turning to sweets at the end of the day? Have you had any other moment during your day that has felt like a treat and a reward and something really enjoyable? If not, then it's really understandable that by the end of the day, you feel like you need a little break, right? Start getting curious about why your body may not be cooperating and look for, and get curious about what you can do to start supporting it in a really nourishing way. This is how you start to create a trusting and loving relationship with your body. Now, finally, my fourth tip is to check in with yourself daily. This sounds like maybe you feel like, yeah. I mean, I check in with myself, I'm with myself all day. But when in your day are you actually pausing and asking yourself, how do I feel and what do I need. Asking yourself those two things every day, that exercise alone will have a dramatic impact on the way that you experience life. Making time to check in with yourself is what self-care is. Self-care does not have to be time consuming. It doesn't mean having massages or spending a ton of money. I mean, all of those are fantastic if you want to do that, but you do have time for self care because ultimately all that is, is making time in your day to check in with yourself and to ask yourself what you need. So in the slumber party, one thing that I recommend is starting your day asking how do I feel? That question alone can feel really hard. You may not actually be used to even identifying how you're feeling, right? Because probably if you're in this, like go, go, go mentality, living your life rushed. if someone asks how you're doing, you probably have an automatic reflex response, like good, fine stressed. How do you really feel taking time to start paying attention to that is going to help you to start understanding why you're having other behaviors. And it's going to help you to understand why you might be feeling stuck and then follow that up with what do I need, what do I need for today to feel more doable? Really embracing curiosity. You do have the power to make your day feel more doable. What do you need? If you are feeling overwhelmed, how are you making your life harder than it has to be? What on your schedule today is actually not as much of a necessity as you're saying it is? If you are telling the story that you are too busy to check in with yourself at some point in the day. And I recommend doing it first thing in the morning. Absolutely. And continuing to check in with how you're feeling throughout the day. If you are telling yourself that you don't have time for that, that is a story you need to start calling out. it's not true. If you need to start checking in with yourself while you are brushing your teeth, or while you're taking a shower or while you're eating, while you're driving, there are so many moments in the day when you have the opportunity to check in with yourself. But if you have the mindset that you're too busy to do that, then it's not going to happen. Right. So much of what really weighs us down and makes us feel stuck are the beliefs that we have and the stories that we're telling. And the most powerful thing that I want you to understand is that you have control over those thoughts and those beliefs. You need to start questioning them. Notice what beliefs are making you feel stuck. What beliefs do you have that you can't take care of yourself? What stories are you telling that aren't making you feel worthy and deserving as you are right now in this moment? And how can you start replacing those with much more kind, respectful and loving thoughts? If you start doing these four things, if you start paying attention to the relationship that you have with yourself, and if you start to prioritize that more than any other relationship, your life will change in a incredibly powerful way. And I promise there will be this amazingly positive ripple effect that happens in all areas of your life. Because as you start to do these things, as you start to create boundaries and call out your inner critic, as you start to trust yourself and build confidence. As you partner with your body. And as you start checking in with yourself, your energy is going to skyrocket and that energy is going to influence the way that you show up for others. It's going to help you to start having motivation as you start to having a love, have a more loving relationship with yourself and get curious about what you need. You're going to start wanting to find the foods that feel better, that give you more energy. You're going to maybe make time for movement that actually feels good. Maybe you'll start looking for approaches to weight loss that actually don't feel like punishment. And that feel really great. You're going to start attracting people who are drawn to the real authentic you instead of you trying to be the person you think others are going to like. So first things first come up with a name for your inner critic. So you can start calling that inner critic out. Okay. There have been some really awesome creative names in this slumber party, um, which has been so entertaining. Now, if you're feeling stuck, if you feel like you don't have a lot of time, if you wanna make healthy changes, but it's just not happening, and you feel like you need some support in starting to address the relationship that you have with yourself, you can join the party, come join this slumber party. It is such an incredible group of women. I will send you daily emails, helping you to do little exercises to be checking in with yourself and it in a totally doable way.. If you're at the point where you are ready to approach weight loss in a way that actually feels good. You want to partner with your body. You want to understand what food and forms of movement feel best to your body. Then, the next round of the life boost jumpstart program is going to start October 10th. And the reason that I'm doing that is because that will be perfect timing so that going into the holiday. You are going to feel confident in yourself. You're going to feel so amazing in your body. And you're going to be in a place where you can enjoy some of those sweets or indulgences that are part of the holidays without any guilt, without having to punish yourself after you're also going to be empowered with the ability to just say no to some of them, all those temptations that are just like con you're constantly bombarded with throughout the holidays, the life boost jumpstart program will make it so that you don't have to white knuckle your way through, or you don't end up just like completely going overboard. You'll feel in control. If you go through that program, you are going to be able to see a lot of treats and you are genuinely not going to want them. And you're gonna say, no, not because you feel like you have to, but because it's really just not something that you want, which means that you can make it through the holidays feeling great and start the new year feeling amazing and, and having partnered with your body. So if you love the sound of that, You can sign up now, right now, there is an early bird special, so you will get a hundred dollars off the program if you sign up. And then you'll instantly get access to the private Facebook group which is a really supportive community of people making healthy changes. Also a space where I share tips. You can ask questions, um, share recipes. And you'll get access to so many of my exclusive life boost, jumpstart recipes which are simple, doable, nourishing, delicious recipes to set you up for success. And finally, if you have been struggling with the relationship that you have with yourself for a long time, then that is where my one-on-one coaching is incredibly powerful. Getting curious about why, and really starting to call out a lot of the stories and beliefs. It can be hard. And sometimes there are a lot of blind spots and it can be hard to know where to start. So if you feel like you do want a lot of support through that, if you feel like you're trying to make healthy changes, but everything is just feeling too hard, then one-on-one programs. I will be there for you every step of the way. And we will get curious together. I will help you to find out how to start making healthy changes in a way that feels totally doable and good to you. Because ultimately, I wanna remind you the life boost approach, you have to prioritize the three LS, right? Love. You have to love what you are doing. You have to love the way that it's making you feel. And it has to be stemming from a loving relationship with yourself. And then lifestyle. It has to make sense for your lifestyle. If you are trying to spend a whole day meal prepping, and yet you barely have any free time, that's not doable. We wanna be doing things that help you to keep up with your busy lifestyle. Not things that make it harder. And finally, long term everything that you are doing in order to achieve your goals needs to be something that you want to keep up long term. If you prioritize love lifestyle long term, then you will start enjoying the journey. Not just working towards getting to the destination. So send me a message or I'll leave a link in the caption, if you're interested Any of my programs or if you're feeling like you just aren't really sure what's right for you, then I always offer complimentary one hour talks where let's just chat and connect. You can tell me what you're going through, can learn about your history and together we can talk about what you need, what feels right to you to start moving forward. The most important thing I want you to take away from this is now that it doesn't have to feel so hard. You do not have to be stuck. There's always a way to move forward. If you start addressing the relationship that you have with yourself, you are going to start an incredible ripple effect throughout your life. Cheers to your inevitable health, happiness, and success.