Life Boost with Amelia

Ep. 45 | Signs of Unhealthy Boundaries + My Party!

August 09, 2022 Amelia Knight Pinkston Season 1 Episode 45
Life Boost with Amelia
Ep. 45 | Signs of Unhealthy Boundaries + My Party!
Show Notes Transcript

Having trouble making healthy changes or sticking with them? I guarantee at the root of that isn't a lack of willpower or discipline, it's a lack of healthy boundaries. In this episode, I discuss signs of unhealthy boundaries, why unhealthy boundaries our the norm in our society - especially when it comes to women, why it feels so darn uncomfortable trying to establish boundaries, and where to start!

The good news: I'm throwing a party starting August 15th to help you start creating boundaries, and I want you to be there. Get your ticket to the party here:

Reminder: The ticket is $50 but if you participate in the one month Slumber Party and you don't feel like it was helpful - just let me know and I'll refund every cent. Zero risk, so much potential for amazing positive change in your life!

Connect with me on your favorite social media channel: Instagram, Facebook, or LinkedIn!
Learn more about how I can help you here!
I love to hear from you. You can always reach me at

Music: “Play Thing” by Ketsa
From Free Music Archive

Hey life booster. This is Dr. Amelia health coach and veterinarian here to help you ditch yo-yo dieting people, pleasing and perfectionism by breaking the norm and living a life that energizes you from within. This is gonna be a short episode today to talk about boundaries and also a really fun party that I am throwing. And if you are a woman just feeling stuck, burnt out, not really loving your body or treating yourself in a. Kind respectful way. Um, or if you're just looking for a little fun in your life, then you need to be at my life boost, slumber party that I am throwing in one week. So I'm gonna tell you about all the details, um, at the end of this, but. If you are just like what Amelia's throwing a party and I definitely wanna be there then. Um, you're right. You should be there. and you can follow the link in the caption, uh, to sign up or just send me a message. So boundaries, healthy boundaries are truly the foundation of sustainable health, happiness, and success. If you have ever struggled with falling off the bandwagon and you, you know, have made healthy changes, you've been like eating healthy, or you have a fitness routine you're getting good sleep or you're managing stress. And then you fall off the bandwagon. I guarantee at the root of that, there were some unhealthy boundaries. so I thought that it would be great to go over a list today of signs that you may have some unhealthy boundaries in your life. Now, a really amazing resource. If you are interested in the topic of boundaries, I highly recommend following Nedra Glover to wa um, on Instagram, she also has some books on boundaries and she is incredible. So check out her books, but in one of her workbooks, she has a whole list of signs of unhealthy boundaries. And I wanted to share that with you. So do any of these sound familiar, neglecting self care? Feeling overwhelmed desire to run away from your responsibilities, resentment, avoiding interactions with others, burnout, always the helper, never the one being helped inability to say no. Hello. People pleasers, unable to ask for help, difficulty allowing others to help you doing things with no support. Rescuing others, loaning money or possessions. How many of the things on that list sound familiar to you? My guess is that you can relate to a lot of those. At the root of people, pleasing and perfectionism are unhealthy boundaries. And our society has programmed women to have unhealthy boundaries. Right. This is an area that I have really been working on. And one reason that I'm throwing the life boost slumber party is because I want to continue to work on them in a really fun and empowering way. I'm going to do another episode, really diving deep into some of the things that like really motivated me to throw this party. But the thing I wanna highlight is that when I look around at all of the incredible women around me, there's this common theme of just being so hard on themselves. Not seeing how beautiful they are right now in this moment and not taking time for them. They're just taking care of everybody else around them. They are working so hard at their job, and there's just this sense of like, it's just a luxury to have time for you and it's just not possible. And that should not be our norm. Like, not only are you living in a society where you are carrying so many responsibilities that are just weighing you down. But at the same time, our society is like, oh, you're not doing enough because you're not juggling everything and making it look totally easy and it's, and perfect. And also, you know, restricting the food that you want and having a workout plan and having the perfect body. Um, like why can't you just do all of that? Right. Like, because because when you have zero time for you, the only thing that you have in a day that is going to bring you any sense of like happiness or a reward or a break is food. And our society has taught you that that food is a break or a source of energy, but it's not the food that you should quote unquote, be eating, right? So you're being told you need to be eating healthy. And that message is that you need to be restricting. How could you possibly have willpower to be restricting your body when you are insanely stressed. You don't have times to be dealing with your stress because you are taking care of everybody else around you. And our society is saying, oh, you know, what's like such a fun treat. You know, what is associated with celebrating and happiness sweets and alcohol and. Chips and all of these foods that you quote unquote, aren't supposed to be eating. And so then that makes you feel bad about yourself and I am just not okay with this I am not okay with seeing amazing women around me being stuck in this vicious cycle of beating themselves up, not feeling good enough and not being able to make time for them because of the social constructs that our society has created, this needs to stop. And that is why I am throwing a party. Now I'm calling it a slumber party because that is the vibe that I am going for. Because when I have a weekend where I get together with my girlfriends for a slumber party, that is the best, most therapeutic weekend because it is a break from our everyday life. Right. It's an opportunity where we all get together. We get to just talk about what's really going on in our lives. We get to be real, be vulnerable because we are in this supported group of women who get it. It's when you have time to just talk about what you, maybe haven't really been talking about, you know, like at late at night, when you have those great conversations and everything comes out. I wanna give you space in a safe, supported environment where you can start to explore those things. It's also fun. It's like a little break from reality. There are some games it's flirty. I want uncovering the playful, sexy version of you. that's not getting to come out a lot because of all these other responsibilities that are just weighing you down in life. She's in there right now. And I really want you to meet her. So here's the deal. This slumber party is a month, and I know that women are crazy busy. So this is like a super tiny time commitment. I am really condensing everything and I am going to give you very simple things to do every day that you can do whenever you want in the day. And they are going to help to make your day better. They're going to help you to have a much better mindset. They're going to help you to feel, um, more focused with what you need. And you're going to practice actually identifying how you feel and what you need, because a huge component of having unhealthy boundaries is that most people have a really hard time even identifying what they need. I experienced that because number one, I had a really hard time even identifying how I felt, you know, someone asks you, how are you doing? And there's like an automatic good, busy, but you're never actually like checking in with like, what are you actually feeling? Right. And so if you don't know how you're feeling, then whoa, like actually identifying what you need is very challenging. As a people pleaser. The other thing I found is that I constantly surveyed other people like, if I was wearing something or like, if I wanted to get a haircut or I was just always asking for everybody else's opinions to decide, like what I should do. I didn't trust myself to know what I wanted, because then I was like, what if I make the wrong decision? And what if people judge me or they don't like it. And that was eyeopening. When I realized that I didn't even, I didn't know what I wanted. The other thing that would happen is say Matt and I wanted to go out for dinner even, you know, I. Would have a hard time even knowing like, what food did I want? Like, what restaurant did I want? You know, or if I was in a group of people, I would always just be like, whatever's fine, because I didn't wanna make a decision that someone else didn't want like that. It was so important to me that everybody else be happy that I just, I truly didn't even know, like, what were my preferences? What did I, like? I had no idea. So a big part of the life boost slumber party is helping you to even start connecting with how you are feeling and what you need. That way you can start verbalizing that you can start being more assertive. You can start identifying where you do need boundaries. You can start identifying what you need. Healthy boundaries are what will protect your energy. If you are feeling drained and exhausted right now, it's because you don't have boundaries that are helping you to have time for the things that can give you back energy. And you can't create boundaries. If you don't know what you need. Now, even when you do know what you want, there's one major obstacle that gets in the way and that's guilt, right. People please. We feel bad when we try to stick up for boundaries. Now, a really important thing to be aware of. And it's something that Nedra talks about in her book is that we feel guilt for two reasons. We feel guilty when we do something wrong. we also feel guilty when we feel like we're doing something wrong. And that's a really important distinction because you are not actually hurting anybody when you establish a boundary. And when you're assertive and you speak up for what you need, but society has taught you to feel bad. So it's true that you will feel guilty when you search to establish boundaries and that means that you have to start being okay with a little bit of discomfort, especially when you're starting out. And so the slumber party is a program that is designed to help you identify what you are going to do to get through that discomfort. What are the things like after you establish a boundary? One thing you could do is come to the private Facebook group of other amazing women who are doing the same thing and celebrate, let them know like what boundary you just stood up for or created, talk about the uncomfortable feelings or talk about what a win it is that you just created a boundary that felt uncomfortable. Let everybody celebrate with you and to remind you that that was not something that you did wrong. That was a major, major win for you. you'll also create a list of other things that you can do that will help you to feel safe after putting yourself out there. A huge part of this slumber party is that you feel safe and supported. So at any time during the month or any days when things feel overwhelming, I'm also going to teach you some super simple exercises to help with managing your nervous system. And then I wanted to add a little bit of fun and play. So what is a slumber party without a game of truth or dare? Right? So every day there will be a truth or dare you will be able to see them. So you get to decide, do you wanna do. One or the other, do you wanna do both? Do you wanna do none totally up to you, you do it in the privacy of your own home. So, you know, zero concern for embarrassment, anything like that? I cannot emphasize how safe of a program this is. And the truth is if you answer those questions, you are going to uncover so much about yourself. You are going to have so much clarity about what you need. Those questions alone could absolutely change your life. And then the dare is something fun to just get you to connect with your body, to treat yourself a little bit, to push yourself just a little bit outside of your comfort zone in a super fun way. And it's gonna be great. And pretty much I've designed it just being like, what would I. Be excited to do. Like if someone told me to do this, what would add a little bit of fun to my day? And so that's what the dares are. So if you are a woman and you are listening to this, I hope you're planning to get your butt into this party because I want you to be there. And I know that it will change your life. And the good news is if your brain is telling you that you're way too busy, you are not. I promise you will have time for this. There's no, there aren't any like meetings that you have to make. You can do the very simple exercises. Um, whenever is convenient for you and you will just be a part of a really supportive C. Now the cost $50. That is it because I know that the other part of being a busy woman who is not used to putting yourself first is that you are not in used to investing in yourself. You're used to taking care of everybody around you. So it is only $50. And here's the thing. If you do the program and at the end, you're like that really wasn't helpful. Just let me know. And I'll refund the money. No big deal like zero risk. And I cannot tell you how much this could change everything for you, because if you keep wanting to be making healthy changes and it's just not happening, you have to first address the relationship with yourself and the things that are draining your energy and why you are not able to make time for those. This is the foundation that will start an incredible snowball effect in all areas of your life. I promise. So in order to sign up, you can follow the link in the caption. You can find me at life boost with Amelia on Instagram or Facebook. And, you can also just send me an email, um, Amelia life boost today. Now women, I know that you have a lot of girlfriends who also, could use a little bit more time for themselves. So. Please help to spread the word, share this with all of your girlfriends so that you can all join in on this slumber party. I promise it's gonna be a super fun, playful eye opening month of really uncovering a much more playful, empowered, and confident you and I can't wait to see you there. Now, if you are one of my male listeners and you have listened to this whole thing, I love you. Thank you for being here. Know that these boundaries are a big, important issue for you and. Really encourage you to start reflecting on areas of your life, where you need more boundaries, check out Nedra's Instagram. And I know that, you know, lots of amazing women around you who could use a slumber party, so please invite them. Okay. Cheers. Your inevitable health, happiness, and success.