Ep 35 | Let's Make A Pact, People-Pleasers!

Do you tend to say, "Are you sure?" or to feel guilty after asking someone for a favor or to do something? Yeah, me too. Why? Because as a (recovering) people-pleaser, I have a tendency to agree to things even when I really don't want to.

Throughout our lives, we've been rewarded for the times when we're agreeable and willing to sacrifice our own time for the benefit of others. A hard lesson I had to learn: you can't please everyone, otherwise you are going to disappoint yourself.

In order to ditch the guilt and start trusting when others say "yes", we need to start being honest with our own responses when we truly want to say no. You are not responsible for making sure someone else answers honestly, but you are responsible for being honest yourself.

Listen to this episode for a conversation about why it can feel so hard resisting that automatic reflex, how to start practicing, and how we can join together to support each other to protect your energy. Understanding how to fuel your body in a way that energizes you and helps to feel in control is super important, but you will never feel fully energized if you are continuing to say yes when your body, heart, and mind are asking you to say no. ❤️

Connect with me on your favorite social media channel: Instagram, Facebook, or LinkedIn!
Learn more about how I can help you here!
I love to hear from you. You can always reach me at amelia@lifeboost.today.

What You Need To Know About Dietary Fats

Music: “Play Thing” by Ketsa
From Free Music Archive

Disclaimer: The information provided in this podcast is for educational and informational purposes only and is not intended as medical, mental health, or professional advice. I am a certified health and life coach, not a licensed medical or mental health professional. Please consult with a healthcare provider before making any changes to your physical or mental health routines. If you are experiencing a crisis, seek help from a qualified professional or contact emergency services.

Connect with me on your favorite social media channel: Instagram, Facebook, and LinkedIn! 

To learn more about my approach and the programs and free resources available to support you, visit my website: www.lifeboost.today

I love to hear from you. You can always reach me at amelia@lifeboost.today.

Transcript

0:02

Hey life booster. This is Dr. Amelia health coach and veterinarian here to help you ditch yo-yo dieting people pleasing and perfectionism by breaking the norm and living a life that energizes you from within my voice may sound a little bit off today because I do have COVID Matt and I went to California. Well, I met my friends and Yosemite, which was just the best. Oh, she was so beautiful there. I wouldn't, it was so great to catch up with good friends who I don't get to see nearly enough. And then I met Matt and San Francisco and we went to the Santa Rosa Sonoma area to check out some really awesome wineries and just, we looked at some redwoods as well. It was a cool. But as soon as we got back, Matt came down with COVID and I was kind of, okay. I felt really jet lagged for way longer that like I recovered better from the MALDI strip than I did from just getting back from a red eye from California. but I tested negative, so we were just quarantining and, then just a couple of days ago. I woke up in the middle of the night and I was just watching a Grey's anatomy episode, um, where they were had COVID and she was like, it feels like my sinuses have a vice around my brain. And I was like, yeah, that sounds accurate. so I had a really bad headache. So at like two in the morning, I took a nap. Rapid test and it was instantly positive. but thankfully that next morning I actually felt not that bad. I just feel like I have a cold pretty much. so I'm so grateful right now that. Don't feel worse because I have seen it completely wiped out Matt and I know so many people who had just as completely exhausting and can be really scary. So I feel fortunate at least for now. Interestingly, I of course research everything. So I was researching different supplements and things that can help with COVID infections. And I take a supplement from thorn, which is a really great company that I trust under terms of supplement quality. And I take one that has, it's kind of just overall for like anti-aging. Health. And it has a combination of green tea curcumin on interestingly, all of those are ones that have shown to help, to lessen the severity of COVID, and or to help, with viral infections. So, it's just always interesting, like, we know so little still about COVID. So you know why some people have very mild infections and others have more severe infections. I think we have a lot to learn. There is some interesting information on gut health as well. And, you know, I know a lot of people experience brain fog, so I think it will be interesting. The more that we learn about it. Matt. And I both had had, three vaccines as well. So anyways, of course this, with any supplements, super important to do your own research and then to, I always recommend consulting with your physician, certainly with medication. So just decide comment. Don't take it for anything more than that. Just an observation. Anyways, today I would really like you to make a pact with. Do you ever ask for a favor, ask someone to do something and then they say yes. And then you are like, are you sure? And you feel super guilty asking? Yeah, I definitely do. Why? Because as a recovering people, pleaser, I tend to not always be honest and say yes, when I really want to say no and agree to things that I really wish that I hadn't. And so it's hard when I asked someone else for a favor or to do something, I don't trust that they're being honest because I'm not honest. We need to change that. Right? Now, how do we escape from this? How do you ask people to do things and trust that they truly do want to do it? And how do we trust that they have the bandwidth for that? And how do you not feel guilty when asking for help? Because it is okay. I'm good to ask for help sometimes. You start being honest yourself. And if you are a people pleaser, if you have people pleasing tendencies, and if you listen to this podcast, I have a feeling that's you, it needs to start with you. It is completely unreasonable to expect that others are going to be honest and say, no, if they just don't have the bandwidth or energy, or if they just don't want to, if you aren't ever honest yourself, So the path that I want you to make is I want you to commit to start being honest. I want you to practice saying no when you don't have the energy or the bandwidth, or if you just don't want to, because having an open block on your schedule does not mean that you need to say yes to something. You needed to protect your energy because otherwise you're going to start saying yes, and then behind it, there's going to be these feelings of resentment, or you're going to find that you start dreading things that are on your calendar, or you're going to wake up in the morning and you're already going to feel drained and irritable because you signed up for too many things and your cup is empty. You are responsible for being honest, when someone asks you, if you can do something and while you can't guarantee that someone else is going to be honest in their response, when you asked for a favor, if you ask if they want to do something, that's okay, because that's their responsibility. You have an opportunity to lead by example. If you start to be honest with your answers and it's okay to be honest, then you can just start to trust that others are being honest too. That may or may not be true, but it's not irresponsibility. And it's not something that you need to feel guilty about. It's that person's responsibility. And there's a good chance that if you start being honest and saying no, when you really just don't want to, or you don't have the bandwidth, then that may rub off on them and maybe maybe inspired to start protecting their energy more and to start creating boundaries and sticking up for their themselves more too. So when you are being honest, you're really doing others, a favor you're taking away that guessing game of are they being honest? It can be intimidating to even know where to start. Right. And saying no can feel really uncomfortable because you've probably had a lifetime of pressure and expectations and practice saying yes, in order to be good and to be loved by others and in order to be successful, right. Whether that's in relationships with your career. Just in general, you want to be the one that people can rely on. You want to seem caring and kind. And so you want to say yes to everything, right? Because that is what gets you praise that's what gets it gets you loved. And that's what gets you exhausted. So the place to start is to know yourself and to know what things give you energy and what things drain them so that you can make sure that you, your schedule and your life. It is at least proportional. You at least want the same number of things that are giving you energy and helping you to recharge as the things that are draining it. Right? So the more really draining things that you have on your schedule and in your life, the more you're going to need to be blocking off time and prioritizing the things that help you to recover from that stress and to her chart. So that you have resiliency to continue to show up as the kind and lovable human that you. And it's not always obvious that things that straighten your energy and the things that boost it until you start paying attention. You know, we just kind of go through life and life just feels draining. And sometimes we don't notice, like there are little things in the day that could really boost your energy, you know, it could just be like laughing with somebody. Going for a short walk, just taking some time outside or at the end of the day, just having a free night can be huge. Right. So in order to be honest, when you're saying yes or no, you have to know yourself enough to know when you've had enough, when you need to block off time for you to recharge. Now one area I personally have found this. So I've, as I've gotten to know myself better, I've realized like during the work week, especially a busy work week, I really like having. My night's free. Like I like being able to go home, cook a dinner and to have like a low key night. I like going to bed early so that I can wake up feeling refreshed and ready for another day. When I have an invitation to meet friends during the work week, you know, I used to have a tendency to always say yes, because I want to see my friends. I want to catch up with them. And it sounds fun, you know, like going out for dinner or drinks or doing something after work. That sounds fun in the most. However, what I would find is that when I'd say yes, I would end up kind of dreading it. Like I would wake up rod being like, oh, this is going to be such a long day. And then the next day, after going out, you know, I'd go to bed later. I wouldn't have that bedtime routine. And I wouldn't feel recharged the next day. And that would be enough to make my week feel overwhelming. So now that I know that about myself, a lot of the time when I got an invitation to go out during the work week, depending on the week and some weeks now that my schedule is different, I am happy to maybe I don't have a hospital shift the next day. So I have a little bit more flexibility in my schedule because it's health coaching day. But in general, I will say, you know, I really want to see you, but I also need that time just to recharge during the week. However, like what about on the weekend or another day? where we both maybe don't have to get up early the next morning because I love getting together with my friends that energizes me. But I want to do that in a time when I can show up as my best self. And there, I don't want there to be a hint of dread or just feeling like it's an obligation to see my friends. I want to show up authentically and happy and really being fully present and not just kind of thinking about when I can go or like, if I'm. Oh to wait and how tired I'm going to be the next morning. Right. And so what I've found is that when I'm just honest in my response, number one, I make my week so much more enjoyable, but they, my friends understand. And a lot of the times I think that they're just glad that I'm being honest. And I can say on the opposite end, I have friends who. Who will be honest. And I know that I can trust and I love it when they're like, you know what? I need some time to myself, or that doesn't work for me, or I'm feeling really drained. And I need some time to myself. I love hearing that because number one, it's great knowing that I'm not alone in that feeling, you know, because I think there's a tendency to feel kind of lame if you just like, want to go home and not go out, but, you know, it is not lame to protect your energy and to recharge. Sometimes you just want to watch a show at the end of the night and curl up with your husband or with your dog or whatever you need. That's okay. It actually often makes me feel even more connected to my friend when they say that, because not only do I know that I'm not alone with having those feelings sometimes, but I love that they're comfortable enough to be honest. And I love that. I can trust that when we are getting together, it's truly because of. We want to, and because we have that time and energy to show up and connect with each other. Let's make a pact to start being honest with our responses. When someone asks for a favor or when someone asks us to put something on our schedule, that's it just being honest now that is going to feel uncomfortable sometimes. And that's okay. That's why I want us to make this packed together so that we can support each other in it. It doesn't mean that you're instantly going to, from now on, always answer honestly, or never overflow your schedule. This takes so much practice. And so far you've had a lifetime of practicing the. But when we do it together, we can support each other. I want you to let me know any time you stick up for your boundary and you're honest, and you protect your nice evening or you don't fill up your free weekend with something that you feel like is an obligation. Let me know, because just like in the Sundays for success, you need to focus on the wins, right? There are going to be times when you just blurred out. Yes. You regret it, but practice pausing first. So when someone asks you something, don't just like immediately have that reflects. Yes, Paul. Give yourself a moment to think you can also practice having a response that gives you a little bit of time, you know, like, let me think about that. Let me look at my schedule and get back to you. That sounds fine. But let me think about it. You come up with whatever makes you feel comfortable, and this is also an opportunity to test out different ways of say, no, you can say there are endless kind ways of saying no. As long as you are showing up as your authentic self and being honest and genuine, you are going to attract the people in this world who you want. I know that you say yes, because you want to be caring and lovable and you want to be liked by others, but you can't please, everybody. Otherwise you are going to disappoint yourself. And that is so draining. It sucks. It's not a way to experience. Your worth is not determined by what other people think about you. You will never feel truly worthy until you start loving and prioritizing yourself. And that starts with getting to know yourself. Understanding what boundaries are really important for yourself, understanding why you feel drained sometimes and what helps to fill your cup back up and standing up for yourself. I'm being honest. Let honesty become your natural response because when you do this, you are going to show up. As the authentic energized version of yourself, and that is going to attract the people who you want in your life. If saying no to something means that someone disapproves of you or doesn't like you, is that really somebody that you even want in your life or are you draining your energy? Trying to please somebody who doesn't deserve your honor. So let me know as you practice, let me know your successes. When you say no, when you're honest, I'm going to give you a virtual high five, because that's just the best thing ever. And I'm going to help you to feel good about sticking up for your energy. I also recommend checking out. Think it's episode 32 on stress management. Where do you even start? That's a great way to also start paying attention to your energy because this, this guilt and inability to stick up for your boundaries and over. Fill your schedule. Huge reason why we tend to feel stressed, right? Because our schedule, it's just, we feel like we have absolutely no time. This is how you have time, but also check out that episode. And I also recommend checking out that episode on Sundays for success, because the more you focus on these little wins and these wins. Supporting your body, the more momentum you'll get at continuing to do that in the future and Memorial continue to feel more confident and loving of yourself. And that is what's truly important in this world. Health happiness and success depend on your ability to see your worth and to love yourself as you are right now in this moment, imperfections and all you are perfectly in. Perfect. Okay. Now if you know somebody else who could benefit from listening to this podcast, please help to spread the word, share this podcast episode with somebody else help to spread this pact so that we can all start being more honest and trust that others are being honest in their answers as well. If you really want to dive deep into starting to protect your energy and sticking up for yourself, if you want to feel in control of stress and you want to just start finding out how to treat your body physically and mentally in a way that helps you to feel energized and show up as your best self, and send me a message. I specialize in working with people-pleasers and perfectionists because hello, I've been there and I'm recovering myself. Understanding how to fuel and move your body in a way that energizes you and helps you to feel control is super important, but you will never feel fully energized if you are. Continuing to say yes. And overfill your schedule. So I'm here to help you identify your blind spots to call you out and to be your cheerleader and to support you and creating a lifestyle that you love and that you never want to escape. Okay. Cheers to your inevitable health, happiness and success.