Episode 12: Feeling Stuck? How Ditching Negative Self-Talk and Judgement Can Help You Move Forward

Feeling stuck? I share how one huge life decision made me lose all trust in myself and how that impacted the way that I treated myself for a long time. Many of my actions came from a place of self-judgement and a lack of deservingness. If you're living with regret, are you constantly punishing yourself from those perceived "mistakes"? I discuss how you can start gaining a different perspective around the thoughts and beliefs you have in order to move forward.

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Website: www.lifeboost.today

Music: “Play Thing” by Ketsa
From Free Music Archive

Disclaimer: The information provided in this podcast is for educational and informational purposes only and is not intended as medical, mental health, or professional advice. I am a certified health and life coach, not a licensed medical or mental health professional. Please consult with a healthcare provider before making any changes to your physical or mental health routines. If you are experiencing a crisis, seek help from a qualified professional or contact emergency services.

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To learn more about my approach and the programs and free resources available to support you, visit my website: www.lifeboost.today

I love to hear from you. You can always reach me at amelia@lifeboost.today.

Transcript

Amelia 0:01

Hello life booster. This is Dr. Millia health coach and veterinarian here to encourage you to break the norm and live a life that energizes you from within today is actually going to be a continuation of episode six on money mindsets, because I was taking a walk and. Just kind of peeled back another layer of my money mindset that was really related to me, punishing myself and feeling like I had made a huge mistake and, and really not trusting myself. And I think that it's going to be helpful to share, because I think that there are pieces that you may, be able to see reflected in your own life. And so I was just thinking about like the one big financial,, investment I had made that really influenced the way that I was treating my body. And that is veterinary school. So right off the bat, I'm just going to tell you right now, if you ever think that a veterinarian is in it for the money, and they're just trying to nickel and dime you, I promise you, there is not a single veterinarian who has gone into this, for the money, if they did, they were completely unaware of the profession, but I. Made a huge financial investment in order to go to veterinary school, the, amount of student loans that I still have are enormous. And I had dreamed of being a veterinarian since I was six years old. Like that truly was just like a part of my identity that was like, oh, Amelia is going to be a vet. Even before I went to vet school, people were asking me questions about. I, which is cute that they think that I knew already, but that was just such a big part of my identity. And yet I tried to be really thoughtful about this decision. So,, throughout high school I was working so hard. And then in college I worked harder because you need these great grades in order to be accepted. But I, at the same time, I was at least aware of the fact that like, because this was such a like early childhood dream, I kept doing a little check-in being like, is this really still something that I want to do? And I even decided after graduating from undergrad, I went to Wheaton and Massachusetts. then I decided to take a year off before applying to veterinary school, because I knew undergrad was stressful and I just felt like it would be beneficial to have a year in the real world. before just like diving back into being in school constantly. So I took that year off and I really reflected, and I got a little taste of like what jobs were available to me, with, my biology. Major and, um, you know, they weren't great. They were like very low paying research jobs that I could see. Like there wasn't like a great, clear path and I had always wanted to be a veterinarian. So I still felt like that was probably what I wanted to do. So after doing that little gut check, like I made that investment, knowing that it would be paying off my student loans for a long time, but, Okay with that basically. So fast forward through vet school and starting out as a vet, you know, it was very stressful. And then, you know, years later finding myself at this point where I just felt like I had made a huge mistake. I was so unhappy and burnt out. And I just, I didn't want to do it anymore. It was making me miserable. And yet at that point, I just didn't see another option because for one major reason was that I had these massive student loans. Um, Like, what was I supposed to do? And so it was like that the one time that I had gone all in and been like, yes, you know, this is worth the money. And I wasn't, you know, just saving and saving. I ended up feeling like that was like one of the biggest mistakes of my entire life. And that really boiled down to. Losing trust in myself because I had even tried to do that gut check. And I had tried to make sure that that was something that I wanted. And yet it led me down this path where I was so deeply unhappy. And the other thing was that in that pursuit, I w I was such a people pleaser because that had helped me to be successful up until that point, you know, because the getting into veterinary school the application process is so. Demanding, I needed to be getting A's and a part of that in school is to be people pleasing. You know, the teacher has to be, approving of the things that you're doing and you have to be well behaved. And so. We're so always just so focused on what other people thought of me, because that was how I was getting graded. And those grades actually mattered with my success that I really also did it. No, how to pay attention to like, just my needs. I was just always very, focused on how, what I did influenced others and like what they would think. So I reached this point of like, not only did I not trust myself or like, even know. that I was ever making a right or wrong decision, or I didn't even know what I wanted. I also got to this point where I felt like I needed to punish myself. If you listen to the last episode, episode six, I encourage you to listen to, I joked about, Matt always being. Joking that I didn't splurge on like the guacamole at AAA. And, it really boiled down deeply to those beliefs of like, I don't deserve this. Like I made this investment and I, I don't deserve to spend like an extra dollar on guacamole because I haven't yet. Proved myself on that one financial investment that I made, you know, right now by the salary to the student loan ratio. Isn't good. And just in general, like I didn't deserve extras because I hadn't even proved myself with the decisions that I had. So when you don't trust yourself, And you're punishing yourself and you're burnt out and unhappy. That is a really wonderful recipe for feeling completely stuck. And it's also a great recipe for just feeling constantly stressed and anxious. And that's pretty much where I was. And that was definitely, not just taking a toll on my mental health physically. That was. presenting itself and, and all sorts of ways of just like being so exhausted. Those are a lot of motions to be like holding into my body and not knowing how to process and. Am I got health was poor. Like, I really just was so out of tune with what I needed, I didn't feel like I could trust my body because I thought that I was feeding it well. And I thought that I was exercising and dealing with my stress. And yet I, it just like, I didn't feel like me. I got a brain fog and I was tired and. I just, I don't wish that on anybody, because when you feel stuck, and yet you also have this bind set of like deserving punishment because you're embarrassed or ashamed or judging your life decisions. Then it just becomes this vicious cycle where nothing good happens. So I would really encourage you right now just to take a few minutes to think about the path that your life has taken so far. And I want you to think about the choices that you've made and whether there are decisions in your life where you have been beating yourself up. Are there things that you feel embarrassed about, ashamed about that you are judging yourself about? And I just want you to take a moment and. Think about the thoughts that do come up around that. And I want you to know that those thoughts, even though they feel so true, they're just thoughts. Okay. So the thing that we do is when we have a thought, especially about ourselves, that becomes almost like a self fulfilling prophecy or what we do is look for any signs in our environment that our thoughts and beliefs are true. And we cling to those, even if there are lots of other times when those thoughts aren't actually true. That's not what we zoned in. You know, it's kind of like, if you learn a new word and then like, suddenly you hear it everywhere. You know, it was always there, but it's just that you are like hyper focused on that and suddenly more aware of it. So like in my case with making that investment. Vet school. I always had this, like underlying running joke, kind of about my decision to be a vet. How that wasn't a great decision. And I would just like, in every day to day conversation, like, especially with Matt, I would constantly be making comments that was really like putting down my life decisions or like, His choices of getting an MBA and the path that it led him to. we're just like so much smarter than what I had done. And I saw that he also had been able to just like enjoy his life throughout, high school and college. Whereas there was this feeling like. Didn't allow myself to like ever let loose, because I was just so focused on being a vet. So all of those judgments about myself are just wrapped up in these con this constant commentary and like underlying jokes about myself that were really putting myself down. And so constantly, I'd be seeing little times when I could like make that comment. And it was just like something just to continue to feed that belief that I had made a bad decision and that like, I didn't deserve to splurge that type of thing, because I was the one who made the stupid decision. That was my perspective. And I definitely didn't. Think about the times when I had made really good financial decisions and I had been able to all on my own put like Matt and I in a good financial position, none of that was, ever something I thought about. It was just how I made worse decisions than other people. So I really want you right now to think about if you've been really just beating yourself up about some choices you've made, and I want you to just give yourself a little self-compassion. Yeah, the first thing is just starting to be kind and not letting yourself just calling yourself out when you're making comments that are not kind to yourself and stopping that. And also starting to think about what other thoughts could be true around this life decision that you've made. So for me, that meant, let's just fast forward through the process of becoming a health coach, but to the point where I am now, and it's true, I could see that, like now I am a health coach. So, what if I had just skipped all the expensive vet school? All the stress and drama associated with that. What if I had just known from the start that I wanted to be a health coach? that would be one way of looking at it, but I now am able to see that I am so glad that I did go to vet school. That I'm a veterinarian that I am exactly where I am now. That had to happen in order for me to be the person that I am today and to have the perspective and knowledge that I do as a health coach. And there's no way that I would be nearly the health coach that I am today. If I didn't have to go through that really trauma and process. Making decisions I've regretted and really hurting and feeling bad physically and mentally, because that forced me to go through a really powerful transformation and to go from a very low point to a point where I'm just so grateful every day. And that's absolutely what. It's so important to me to help others get from that low point to that high point as well. And because I went to vet school because I have all the education that also helped me to when my body wasn't feeling good and doctors were telling me that I was perfectly healthy. That allowed me to question and to be able to sort through all of the super confusing and contradictory information out there on health and nutrition and to read studies and to make sense of that. For me and for others, and to really start seeing what truly mattered and, and why were things not working and to start looking even at our society and seeing these patterns of things that are just aren't working in general of everybody being, sick and overweight and unhappy. And it also, you know, being a vet gave me that problem-solving my, and that ability to be a very good history taker and to be looking for those patterns and to be able to put different pieces together in order to come up with a solution and to heal. And that is hugely valuable. And the information that I learned. A health coach and for human health is it also then goes back into veterinary medicine and it has absolutely made me a better veterinarian as well. So that alone, has been huge. But then also that transformation of going through the point of just being so stressed and ignoring my. My mind and my body and realizing that you just, you can't do that. You can't be stressed all the time and never process or deal with it. And success does not mean living in a stressed out state, even though that's what our society wants you to think. I promise when you do decide to. Give yourself time to breathe. And when you take the time to really get to know yourself and work with the, with your thoughts, that is when you're going to just achieve a whole new level of success and happiness and freedom. And so I had to do a ton of thought work and diving deep, but because of that, I have a really great, foundation to help each individual client really explore, the path that they need to go on in order to heal. So if right now you're at a point where you're just feeling stuck, I can 100% guarantee that a huge part of that has to do with your thoughts and your mind. Those thoughts that feel so true are controlling your life and they are making you feel stuck. And if you can just be open to that and willing to start exploring what those thoughts are and how those thoughts maybe could be different, your life is going to change in the most incredible. And I just, I hope that you let that happen. And sometimes when you have experienced trauma or, you know, what you perceive as a huge mistake, you need time to process and reflect and to heal. And it just starts with being kind, being gentle with yourself, know that. You know, whatever things have happened in the past at the time you did what you thought you needed to do, or you did what you thought was right. And I want you to look and see where that has led you now. And if you are at a point where you just are feeling like it's a really low point, know that that's temporary and you have so much more power and control and ability to influence your life than you think. And if you can just start tuning in to those thoughts, ditching judgment and embracing curiosity instead from a place of crisis. Big incredible things are going to happen. And if you're feeling stuck, just know that you're not alone. I have been there and I have totally beaten myself up in so many ways. And so you can always reach out to me, just let me know where you're feeling stuck, and we can talk about what the next best step would be for you. You can find me on Instagram at life boost with Amelia, and you can find me on my website, www.life boost.today. I'm also on Facebook. I'm all over the place. You can also email me@ameliaatlifeboosts.today. Cheers your health happiness on success. You're amazing.